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Saturday, October 20, 2012

Being Your Own Kind of Beautiful Excerpt: Choice

Now I would like to share another excerpt from Being Your Own Kind of Beautiful that I hope will help bring us closer to knowing who we are and our worth:-)

Understanding Choice
To quote a line from one of my books: “It is a fickle thing, this word choice. For upon this word sits all others. Upon this act sits every consequence. Upon it is the vast and unknown fate of all things decided.” When I tried to come up with a couple of sentences that would completely encompass the word, this was the inspiration I received. Because truthfully, every single thing we do in life hinges on that one word.
We can choose our actions, but not the consequences. Even when we are going through trials, we still have choices. Sometimes our choices are poor, and sometimes choices are inflicted upon us and are beyond our control, but as I said, how we let the trials affect us sometimes determines the value we place upon ourselves.
Here is an example for you:
My step-father sexually molested me from the age of six until eleven. Every time he entered my room and defiled me, he made me think I was only going to be good for one thing in this world, and that thing was the thing he was doing to me.

Now, picture a new white canvas, completely pristine and ready for the painter's first brush stroke. Each time I was abused, a stroke of dark color was painted on the canvas. Each time he subjected me to pornography to make me believe what I saw before me was what I was supposed to willingly do, another dark stroke appeared. Soon the picture began to take on a gruesome image–the image my abuser wanted me to see–that I was worthless and created for that life.
As I got older, I made choices that added different dark hues to the canvas. I got married at sixteen to someone I didn't love, just to escape home. I became a widow at eighteen when he drowned while swimming, and with the insurance money came the start of my drug and alcohol addiction, as well as my complete loss of self-respect–marrying again without love, and then binging, sleeping around, waking up next to strangers and not even remembering how I got there. How do you think my canvas looked by then? What kind of picture did it show? It showed exactly what my step-father wanted it to show. I was good for one thing . . . but I allowed myself to be painted that way. Remember Joe's words to Mia? “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Well, guess what? I consented. I wasn't strong enough to fight it, because I did not know who I was.

When a painter finishes one picture, what does he do? Does he stop painting? Does he say, “That's it, I'm done?” No. He pulls out a clean canvas and creates a new one. As my choices began to change, a new painting was started, with brighter, bolder colors. Each stroke of these new colors contributed to the beautiful painting emerging. I was finally beginning to learn who I was– who I have always been.
Each of us is still a work in progress, and some paintings are further along than others, but as long as we let God wield the brush, we are guaranteed to be a beautifully-finished product.

Email me at for a free copy of the ebooklet!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Introducing- Being Your Own Kind of Beautiful

Yes, I've finally finished Being Your Own Kind of Beautiful, a booklet I wrote especially for women. Too often we forget how amazing we really are and how much we are valued, not in the eyes of the world, but in the eyes of God. I hope this booklet will touch us all in some way and help us remember.
Over the next while, I will be posting excerpts from the booklet. If you would like a free copy of the ebook, email your request to and I will send you one. feel free to share it with family and friends:-)

Perception: To become aware of directly through any of the senses, especially sight or hearing. The way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.”
Audrey Hepburn

How many of us truly know who we are? How many of us love ourselves? How many of us stand in front of the mirror once a day and say, “Man, I'm beautiful? I'm amazing! I'm smart, funny, and a good person. I'm the total package, baby!
I have two daughters and two sons who do this everyday. I call it the Gaston complex. And you know what? There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, because they know who they are. We should all take the time to do this. It does amazing things for your self-esteem.
Too many of us don't understand our worth–not the world's superficial idea of worth, but God's. The key to truly understanding our worth encompasses different things, and none of them can be left out.
One of my favorite movie quotes is from The Princess Diaries. When Mia has to deal with her neurotic friend's opinion of the changes in her appearance, Joe shares with her a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
No one can make you inferior without your consent.
Brilliant, isn't it? Completely brilliant! Because never has there been a truer statement. If the opinions of others bring us down, it is because we allow it to. The only opinion that matters should be God's.

So why do we let the world determine our worth? Why do we allow our value to be deemed by an increasingly-growing Godless society? Why do we value and try to conform to the masses instead of recognizing our worth in God's eyes and placing importance on his opinion?
The world doesn't know us . . . but God does. The world doesn't care what is inside us, or what we deal with daily. The world doesn't know our hopes, dreams, fears, or what touches us deep . . . but Heavenly Father and His Son do. The world has no clue what is important to me or you. It couldn't care less. However, the world does try to dictate what beauty is. We are made to believe we have to be a certain size and dress a certain way to be beautiful. The world brainwashes women, and then counsels us to conform and do whatever it takes to sell that worldly image, in which case the world then sells us out. Then it abandons us, and what happens to our real selves then? We become so lost, we can't even find our real selves anymore, because we lose sight and have no clue what is real.
Store magazine racks are full of perfect photos of women that are not real. We know this, yet we still fall into the money trap, and believe me it is all about money. The more women these advertisers can get to believe their product can make them beautiful, the more money they pocket. They don't want us to be confident. They try to convince us our looks are more important than anything, so they bombard us with photos of perfect-looking women. With a little air-brushing and retouching, anyone can look perfect. The keyword is look perfect. These advertising companies use Photoshop on a regular basis and they are pros at the art of deception.
Many of us have daughters, and we don't realize that when we obsess over weight and looks, these impressionable young women will follow our example. They will never be content with themselves.
Actress, Kate Winslet has always been outspoken about Hollywood dictating the perfect weight and she refuses to conform. When a British magazine digitally enhanced her photo to make her look thinner, she issued an official statement saying: “I don't look like that, and more importantly, I don't desire to look like that. I can tell you they reduced the size of my legs by a third.”
The world has conditioned us to hate our bodies. How many of us are actually satisfied and happy with our looks? Not many. Once a woman gets in a mindset where she is disgusted with her body, eating disorders are just around the corner. There are even websites now that teach people how to become anorexic. They teach you how to binge and purge, and offer ideas on how to keep losing weight. It is sick and wrong.
Every woman's body shape and features are different, especially when it comes to ethnicity. When I was younger, I dreamed of one day looking like Wonder Woman because she was my idea of what the perfect woman looked like. Well, guess what? No matter what I did, it never happened. Do you know why? Because a Black woman is built completely different from a woman of another ethnicity. When I finally figured that out, I stopped trying.
In magazine ads and commercials, we are nothing but objects. The last thing these companies want is for us to love ourselves. We are meant to look at these ads featuring so-called perfect-looking people, and feel inferior and not good enough. They want us to think if we could just lose weight, use their cosmetics or wear their clothes, we will be better women. It is really degrading how the world demoralizes women, getting us so wrapped up in becoming the world's ideal when we should be concentrating our efforts on being an ideal daughter of God.
Look at how women are treated in some other countries. They are beneath the men and treated like they are worth even less. The worth of women in the US has been lowered as well, only it has been gone about differently.